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Wednesday, January 16, 2013

UBC Day 16 - Sharing Is Caring

I am not going to make a big deal about sharing this post because it is mainly to vent.  The other day I posted a status update on my personal Facebook page about being concerned about someone I love...someone I care about very much.  This person is going through a very rough time right now.  It is not my place to spill publicly what is going on in his life so I do not share the very little details that I do know.  I do not mention his name or anything.

My update was very vague.  So much so that it could have been about anyone.  This person is similar to myself in the fact that when times get tough, we shut down.  That is something that I have been trying to work on but still suffer...it is a huge reason why I lost so many people when my ex and I went through our divorce...because I did not want to talk about it.  I did not want pity.  If I wanted to talk about it, I would seek out the person I wanted to talk to.  That hurt me in the end.

Going back to the second sentence in the last paragraph...it could have been about ANYONE.  Have you ever been worried about someone?  Have you ever posted a status update about it on Facebook?  Do you post those things looking for pity, kind words, negativity, or just to vent?  What gets me is when people jump to conclusions and throwing out negative comments when they do not know what is going on.

How do these people know that I was not talking about my cousin?  My uncle passed away a couple of months ago from a car accident.  How do these people know that my cousin and I could have gone from talking every day to all of a sudden him shutting down?  They jump to the conclusion that it ALWAYS has to do with my love life.

The person that I was talking about means a lot to me.  I love him.  I care for him.  I cannot imagine what he is going through and I just wish I could be there for him.  Anyone who knows me, knows that THAT is the kind of person I am.  Hell, I am going to school for Psychology.  I am a good listener.  I love to be there for my friends when they need someone...even if they just need someone there and do not talk.

Next thing I know, I am being bombarded with comments from people telling me to "move on", "he is not worth it", "you deserve better than that", etc.  I can respond to those with vague answers but I ended up deleting the post after someone who used to be a really good friend of mine wrote a novel of a comment.  I only remember a few parts but the part that sticks with me is when he said to imagine it to be me in that situation and how I would feel.

I was in that situation.  Two years ago.  I did the same thing he is doing.  I shut down.  I did not talk to my friends.  I did not talk to my family.  I stayed away from Facebook and Twitter and my only escape was taking or teaching a Zumba class or some other fitness class at the gym I worked at.  I had no one I could trust.  I had no one I could turn to.  My ex turned to everyone we knew and told lies...which he apologized for...too late of course because the damage was already done.

Even through all the hurtful and hateful things that he put me through...leaving me with nothing and taking everything...at the end of the day, I hoped that in the end that he would eventually find happiness.  I lost everything.  I lost my house...my "family" (because that is what you get in the military...not friends...but family)...my dogs...my financial stability...my ability to take care of myself.  I was left with no other option but to move back home.  Something I never wanted to do.  I live with my mom.  I am freaking out because there is a possibility that my sister might be moving in this summer depending on where she gets in for her Masters program and I might be out of a place to live.

So I know what it looks like from his eyes.  I was accused of some of the same things he has been accused of...as far as I know, my ex did not cheat on me...just accused me of doing so.  All I ask is that if you have something that you want to comment on, before you hit "enter" or click "post", re-read it.  If it sounds like it could be construed as negative, cut it and paste it into a message.  Make it something private.  That way you do not look like an inconsiderate jerk and people that really have my back do not jump down your throat and defend me...because that has happened...and I love them for it!

I cannot see it from her eyes because I would never and could never do what she has done.  I am not a typical girl.  The things that get to most women tend to roll off my back.  Case and point...my ex husband spent like $600 at a strip club...my exact words to him after he told me how much he spent were "...and how do YOU feel about that?"...followed by a laugh.  Just remember the old saying of "Think before you speak"...except "Think before you type/comment".  Any negative comments will always be deleted.

Until next time!