Tuesday, January 24, 2012

I Have These "If" Books...

I have three different books titled "If..." and each book is filled with a few hundred "If" questions...never repeating the same question in any book. I have decided to start taking some of those questions and posting them to see if I can get any responses! Please give your answers some though and I want to read some interesting answers and not just one word answers! I want to interact with my readers! Please pick one of the questions below!


I have so many things that I want to see/do/accomplish in my life, I am not sure where to begin. I am not going to give a vague answer like I wish I had a million dollars or I wish I never had to worry about money or I wish I had a ton of money. While having a bunch of money could eliminate my debt and get me out and living on my own again, I want to earn my way to where I want to be.

My wish would be to have a two week, all expenses paid vacation to anywhere in the world. I want to just get away and relax and take pictures and have someone special with me!


If given the opportunity, I would love to spend an entire night with a few people actually...not at the same time but if I could spend it with a celebrity I would have to flip a coin between Britney Spears (I don't care what anyone says, I have loved her since I saw the premiere of "...Baby One More Time" on TRL before it was even playing on the radio) and Lauren Graham. Both of these women are beautiful and talented! Lauren Graham played Lorelai Gilmore on "Gilmore Girls" and has been in movies and other tv shows and I just think that she is an amazing actress. If I picked someone that I actually know, I would have to flip a coin again and it would be between either this incredibly handsome guy that I have gone out with a couple of times so I can get to know him a little better or the guy that stole my heart nine years ago and haven't seen in about eight years just to catch up.


While you will not find my Great Grandfather's name in any history book, I would want to spend a whole night with him. It wasn't until AFTER he passed away in December 1999, that I was informed that he not only was he an officer in the Navy during WWII, but he was stationed aboard a ship that was involved in storming Normandy. I would pick his brain about his time in the Navy and how he got into sales when he returned home and how he knew just about the entire city of Renton. When he died, we held his funeral service at a Funeral home at the cemetery in the Renton Highlands where most of my family is buried. There was no sitting or standing room left in the main room, people were lining the hallways throughout the entire building, standing in view rooms for others, people were lined up around the outside of the building and speakers had to be turned on throughout the building and outside so everyone could hear the service. He was a very much loved man by everyone and not just his family!


While normally I would say Ireland because I am Irish and I would love to travel all over Ireland, I have just spent the last week couped up in my house because of the snow so I would want to go someplace tropical and warm. I want to be on a beautiful sandy beach, soaking up the sun in my bikini with a fruity umbrella drink and a hunk laying next to me. I'm sick of the cold and snow and I'm ready for some fun in the sun!

Last question I am posting today!


That really is a touch question to answer because while I love history, I do not really know which war fascinates me more. I think the Civil War would have been interesting to live in. When I say interesting I truly mean interesting given where my family has come from! When my father's side of the family came over from Ireland, they came via Pennsylvania. My mother's side of the family is part Comanche and from Texas. Family battling for the north and the I said...interesting!

Now pick one of these questions and comment if you will! Include the question number (you do not have to write out the question) and your answer! I look forward to seeing what others have to say and which question they pick to answer!

Until next time!

Monday, January 23, 2012

I Know How To Pick 'Em!

I want to share some of the struggles that I have had to deal with over the years. I have not had a very good run with the men in my life. I did not have the greatest relationship with my father when I was younger...pretty much since I hit puberty and got boobs.

When I was 19, I met a man. By man I mean that he was 12 years older than me. I can't believe now that I thought he loved me. Looking back on how he treated me, well, I'll get to that. This is the same guy from one of my earliest posts. This is the guy that got me pregnant. I spent every available waking moment with him at his house. I neglected my friends and hardly spoke to my family. If I wasn't at work, I was at his house.

This went on for months and then he birthday rolled around. He went out and I offered to wake up before the butt crack of dawn to come get him but he said no. I was at home that night while he went out and was getting ready to get in bed when one of my guy friends from work called and asked if I wanted to go I did. I figured that my boyfriend was out all night, I would be home WAY before he would be so even if he changed his mind and wanted me to come pick him up it would be no problem.

Long story short, he "felt bad" about not spending his birthday with me so he came home early and got all pissed off at me when he continuously called me after "assuming" that I was sleeping and never answered the phone. That resulted in a huge fight and at the end of that day I ended up pregnant. That whole story is in my other blog post.

I felt segregated from my friends and family and he made me feel like shit if I wanted to spend a few hours getting dinner with a group of my friends instead of sitting on my butt on his couch in his living room. It wasn't until he broke up with me that those rose colored glasses came off and I saw how he treated me. He belittled me constantly, made me feel small, made me feel horrible if I wanted to do anything with anyone else other than him.

After him I swore I would never date another Coastie...yeah...I worked with him and for him. I met my now ex-husband. He was the complete opposite. While we enjoyed spending time together, he encouraged me to hang out with my friends. If I had plans with them, he did not want me to drop them just because he called and I found that so refreshing. We spent almost two years together before getting married and after being together for three years we moved to Oregon.

We continued to have the same relationship. If I had been asked to hang out with some friends, he encouraged me to go. I found myself eventually somewhat begging for his attention. I wanted to do anything and everything with him and he just made up excuses to not do anything but sit on his ass at home. He would say that there was yard work that he needed to do or this needed to be fixed or he needed to do that...yet he would remain on the couch or in his chair playing on his laptop or playing his Xbox or watching tv.

After almost three years of trying, I threw my hands up and decided to just put all of my attention into my school work and Zumba. Last January, I finally got my point across to him that I was not happy but I was at the point where it was too little too late. I saw that he was trying to make an effort to change but I had known him for too long to believe that these changes, no matter what he said or did, were not permanent. I loved him with all my heart but I could not handle the loneliness. I could not handle the emptiness in my heart . I could not handle feeling not loved or wanted.

I openly said that even though I am so far from being girlie, I need to hear that I'm pretty and that he loves me. I knew that he loved me but he hardly ever said it. It was like pulling teeth to get him to say it. I would say it multiple times just to try and get him to say it once and he would just get irritated and tell me to stop. That always crushed me. I was at a low point in my life while I was with him. If you haven't read my blog post from a couple of days ago about my weight loss, I was with him for most of that.

He kicked me out of our house and I started living with a friend. Eventually this guy friend turned into a relationship. He became my boyfriend and was extremely possessive. Again I didn't really notice until after the relationship was over. He worked strange hours and was home around the time that my friends and family were off work and I was made to feel like shit if I wanted to talk to my family or someone while he was home with me. If we were home at the same time then all of my attention needed to be on him. If I wasn't home when he got home from work, my phone would start blowing up until I got home.

He was so paranoid that he didn't want me to do anything or go anywhere without him. When I moved up to my mom's house in August, we were only supposed to be apart for about a month and a half and after a week or so of me being up here, he broke up with me because he thought I had changed. I felt more like myself than I had in a long time.

I swore that I was going to start living for myself. I am finally going to be selfish and make sure that I make myself happy first. I have decided that I don't want a relationship right now. I just want to have fun. I want to be happy. That is what I have been doing. I have gone on a few dates and I have been getting better and getting back to finding my happy place. I love the direction my life is going.

A lot of this has been blubbering and I'm not even sure if this got my point across and I'm not sure if I even really had a point but I am not going to allow myself to be walked on every again. I will not make excuses for a guy I am in a relationship with ever again!

Until next time!

Sunday, January 22, 2012

Do You Believe True Love Is The Same As Only Loving One?

I was watching a movie and saw an acronym LOLA standing for Lust Often Love Always. It got me thinking about my life. More specifically my love life. Scratch sex life. I have loved long before I ever had sex and my sex life only started nine years ago. I wouldn't say that I was a late bloomer. I was absolutely terrified and CONVINCED that if I had sex before I graduated from high school and moved out of my parents house that either they were going to walk in or find out and I would get in trouble.

I was like every girl. I wanted my first time to be special. I wanted it to be with someone I was head over heals in love with. I did not have those dreams where candles were everywhere with rose petals scattered everywhere. I did not actually care where it happened as long as I felt special and loved the guy I was with. I got lucky!

I met THE guy on November 10, 2002. I was standing outside of a shipmate's house. I was fresh out of boot camp...ten days on my boat to be exact. I'm standing there with my rack mate from boot camp and one of the guys in our department who was showing us around the big city! I looked over towards a group of people and saw him standing there. The moment I set eyes on him I felt it! That rush!

Anyone who has ever fallen in love at first sight knows exactly what I am talking about. You see nothing but that person. You feel the warm fuzzies from centimeters apart or thousands of miles apart. I asked my new shipmate if he knew this guy and if he could introduce me. Again...I got lucky! He did know him...not well but enough to know his name! I was introduced and the moment I heard him speak, he was like a drug and I was hooked!

Everything about him had me mesmerized! The way he walked, talked, smiled, laughed, looked at me and the slightest touch would just make my head spin! We went with my friend from boot camp and our shipmate somewhere and he kissed me in the car. I am pretty sure that I had, like, a permanent smile on my face. Four days later we went out. I don't know where we went but I remember making out in a parking garage.

That night was nothing short of perfect. He knew it was my first time and he made sure that I was comfortable and happy. My only regret (and if you know me, you know that I regret nothing because there's no point) is not having more of those perfect nights.

Now this brings me to the title of my post. Do you believe that it is possible to have only one true love or can true love happen more than once to someone? I believe that every person has someone out there meant for them but that someone may not necessarily be the one that they truly love, if that makes any sense. I have loved with my whole heart multiple times and I do not deny that I have had true love in the past and that it has happened several times. I think there is someone out there that will make me feel whole but is it necessarily the person I am going to spend the rest of my life with? I don't think so...not for me anyway.

I still love this guy with all of my heart. I have thought about him just about every day for the last 9 years. All I want is for him to be happy and I know that eventually he will be fully happy with all aspects of his life as will I. He will always have a special place in my heart. Forever and always.

Until next time

Friday, January 20, 2012

My Struggle From Fat to Phat!

This is me in June 2008. I was at my heaviest...approximately 160lbs. Needless to say I just about fell over and passed out the day I went in for my physical and the doctor said I weighed in at 158lbs. I had a bit of a melt down 2 months after this. wasn't a bit of a melt was a full on PANIC ATTACK!!! I started crying and hyperventilating. I was getting that heat wave through my body that was making me freak out and not able to breathe. My (ex)husband's truck had manual windows and my seat belt kept locking on me so I couldn't get the window down for air to help me breathe. It took almost ten minutes to get myself calmed down enough to breathe and talk through my tears.

I was very unhappy with what I had allowed myself to become. I had always been tiny! I weighed all of 106lbs when I graduated from high school. Between graduating high school and three months later when I was in boot camp I gained six pounds and finally weighed enough to donate blood (still couldn't because I do not have enough iron in my blood). My weight fluctuated between 105lbs and 115lbs from 2002 to 2006. Starting the summer of 2006, I was put in a desk and I slowly noticed the weight coming on. I was still getting up and walking around and getting outside to sweat but it wasn't until late Spring/early Summer 2007 I weighed in at 140lbs. I wanted to get down to 130lbs before I got married in September 2007.

This is me on my wedding day in September 2007. I was just over 140lbs. I was not happy with how I looked. This wasn't the beautiful dress that I wanted. It was a very pretty dress but I had not achieved the goals that I had set for myself. I decided that I was going to buckle down and start counting my calories and really working out and was determined to get my weight and life back under control.

I started calorie counting and tried searching the Internet for information but kept falling short. It did not take long for me stop calorie counting. I continued to go to the gym but I did not adjust my "diet". I just ate...I ate when I was hungry, when I was bored, when I was tired, when I was sad, when I was name the emotion and I was eating...

When we were getting ready to transfer out to Oregon, we agreed to try and start a family. I did not want to start a family until I gained control of my weight. After my panic attack in August 2008, I got a gym membership and discovered! I started tracking my water intake, my FOOD intake, my exercise and my weight! I started alternating between cardio and cardio/strength training. I was hitting the gym 5 - 6 days a week. I was walking on the treadmill for an hour on just cardio days at an incline and at least 45 minutes at an incline on days that I also did strength training. After about eight months, my goal was to be comfortable in a bikini because we were finally taking our honeymoon and visiting our old roommates in HAWAII! I felt comfortable and was happy with how I looked but wanted to look better!

This is May 2009. I was about 135lbs and had been able to maintain that weight for a couple of months! I felt better about showing off my stomach and wearing shorts...something I had not done since before Hurricane Katrina hit in 2005. I was stuck in jeans...and if you have ever lived in the south, you know how hot and humid and nasty it can get in the summer time...and I always wore jeans.

That smile right is a genuine smile! That is at the top of Diamond Head overlooking Waikiki/Honolulu. I was having a blast getting to do all the things that I did not get a chance to do when I was in Hawaii while I was in the Coast Guard in 2003. Anytime anyone did anything fun, I had duty and was confined to the boat.

This was taken at the Coast Guard Christmas Party in December 2009. I was between 125lbs and 130lbs. My weight was staying pretty steady but I wasn't going to the gym on a regular basis anymore. I was just calorie counting and working on my feet all day and that is how I managed to maintain my weight.

In January 2010, my parents separated and I gained weight. I went back up and was stuck at 144lbs. I could not seem to lose the weight. In March 2010 I took my first Zumba class and was hooked. At the time it was just starting to blow up! We had one class on Monday night, one class Tuesday morning and Tuesday night, one class Thursday morning and Thursday night and one class Saturday morning. Six classes and I was hitting every one of them! I became a licensed Zumba Fitness instructor in July 2010 and started teaching (*Note: By the time I left the gym I was teaching at in August 2011 there were about 10 or more Zumba classes being offered every week). I also found out in March that year that my (ex)husband could not have children and it broke my heart! I wanted nothing more than to start and have a family with that man.

Even though I was teaching, I wasn't losing weight. I was counting calories and strength training but just couldn't shake the weight. It wasn't until January 2011 that my marriage started falling apart. I lost a loved one. I was still recovering from the shock of not being able to have children even though I had been looking into artificial insemination that he just kept coming up with reasons not to go through with it at the time. With all the stress of my marriage falling to pieces and knowing that I was about to lose my home, my dogs, my financial security, I found myself losing weight but it was because I wasn't eating.

When my divorce was final, I moved back home in August 2011. I got a great job in September 2011 working outside. Constantly moving and physically demanding, I found that I was losing weight. I wasn't going to the gym but working was a workout! The pounds started to fall off and I have finally met my goal weight of 120lbs and I couldn't be happier! Here is me yesterday!


Thursday, January 19, 2012

Stupid Crazy Snow

I grabbed a tape measure and stepped out into the back yard and measured approximately 8" of snow on the concrete slab and almost 9" of snow on the grass. I wanted to share some of the pictures that I have taken over the last few days!

Sunday the 15th

Tuesday the 17th

Wednesday the 18th

Thursday the 19th

I've had the news on just about all day long and it's been steadily snowing and they had originally said that we can expect about another 6 inches of snow! Snow is getting on my nerves...this is also the 4th day in a row that I have not worked!

Until next time!

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Public Apology

It was brought to my attention this afternoon by a very close friend of mine that there was a reason why I did not hear from him for over a year. I only started talking to him again in the last 6 months or so but it had been close to two years that I hadn't heard from him. He said that I was so unhappy in my life that I was taking it out on him every time he called. He said that every time we talked, I would get mad at him and start giving him garbage. Treating him like crap is not something that I ever thought I did.

If anyone could put me in my place it would have been him. It got me thinking/wondering if I had done that to anyone else in my life. I thought I had been doing a damn good job at hiding my pain...I thought that I was acting happy and fooling anyone and everyone. I apparently was not doing as good of a job as I thought.

So to any of my friends out there who are reading this and I treated you like garbage, I am SO SORRY!!! I love every one of my friends like crazy...especially those who have truly stuck by me with all the crap that I have dealt with in the last year. This was a rough year and everyone that stuck by my side...y'all are more than just friends...y'all are my family!

I just cannot imagine how horrible I was to anyone given that I had no idea! I am sorry from the bottom of my heart! After it being shattered, it is slowing coming back together and I have my friends and family to thank for that!

Until next time!

Another Day, Not Another Dollar

Today is Wednesday. It's the middle of the week. It is supposed to be my third day of work this week. Sad to say I am home yet again! Here's how it has all gone down.

6am - Alarm clocks (yes...plural because I am so worried that one won't go off) go off.
6:30am - I am out of bed, putting on my make up and getting dressed to work in the office.
7:30am - I am informed to call a coworker to see if they even want me to come in...and this is after I have just left my house by getting a ride from someone else.
7:35am - Back at home
7:40am - Back in my PJs, curled up on the couch with a hot cup of coffee and start catching up on all the shows that I have missed lately.
3:30pm - Phone call comes in telling me not to come in the next day.

7:15am - Wake up...not to an alarm...and force myself to go back to sleep.
9:15am - Give up on trying to sleep
9:16am - Curled up on the couch in my blanket with coffee and watch MORE television.
3pm-ish - Phone call comes in telling me to come to work the next day in snow gear...only to be laughed at when I inform my coworker that I do not own snow gear. Why do I NOT own snow gear? Because I lived in New Orleans and the southern Oregon Coast for a combined total of 8 years or so...why would I have snow gear?!?
4:30pm - All bundled up, I proceed to "dig" my car out from under the eight inches of snow.

Wednesday (Today)
6:30am - Alarm goes off
7am - Second alarm goes off and I get up and add layers and layers of clothing. Socks, long johns pants, wool socks over the top of the socks and long johns, top off the bottom half of my body my one size too big jeans that fit just right. Tank top under long johns shirt under long sleeve shirt under work t-shirt, add scarf wrapped around neck then top off with sweatshirt and Columbia coat.
7:15am - All bundled up, I go outside to dig out my car AGAIN and start it to let it heat up.
7:35am - I give up on the idea of driving to work and get a ride in the jeep by my mom's boyfriend.
7:50am - Walk into work only to have my boss tell me that he was going to call me and have me come in later or maybe not even at all.
8am - Chugged a cup of coffee, smoked a cigarette with my boss and one of the mechanics, and dropped some Ice Melt on the pavement in front of the shop after my boss shoveled some snow.
8:15am - Boss gives me a ride home and I shed almost all of my layers.

Now I just sit here and wait to see if my boss wants me to come back in...not that I'm going anywhere because it has been snowing since I woke up this morning. I am not sure if I'll be going back to work today but if I do, I know that I won't be driving there!!! If I can ever get my pictures to show up in my email I'll post some pics of all this dang snow!

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Too Beautiful Outside

I am not a huge fan of snow and I have made it pretty damn clear that I do not like snow. I have no love for snow. My love affair with snow is non-existent! Here is a video clip of a crazy woman that has an entirely to friendly relationship with snow!

"Gilmore Girls" Lorelai's I Smell Snow!

Now this is how I normally feel about snow!

"Gilmore Girls" Lorelai's I Hate Snow!

But here I sit in my living room with a cup of coffee, curled up in a blanket on the couch, watching the snow flurries turn into a steady fall of larger flakes that turn back into flurries and then back into flakes. I do not have many memories of snow. Growing up in the Pacific Northwest, it may snow during the winter but it very rarely ever stuck around for any length of time.

The first memory of snow I have is around Christmas time when I was really little. We went to my great grandparent's house, snow was all over the ground and I had a horrible ear infection. Not that having ear infections was an uncommon occurrence in my childhood. The next memory I have of the snow is slipping on snow and ice on the small hill next to the garage behind our house. Bruised my tail bone and it hurt like hell for days!

My first time driving in the snow was in high school. I had to drive down a steep hill either direction I went with a stop at the bottom of one of the hills. Had I taken that hill there was a good chance that my little 1990 Oldsmobile would have slid through the stop, across the street, and stopped in the middle of someone's living room. Okay so the roads probably weren't that bad but I really did not enjoy driving in it. A five minute drive to school turned into like a 20 minute drive. I ended up calling into work and not going because not only would I have had to drive up a hill to get home but then drive down a hill that was winding all the way to the hospital but then had to take the same winding hill in the dark after I got off work and risk ice.

The last time I drove in the snow like this was in December 2004. The day after Christmas to be exact. One of my closest friends called me up and asked if I wanted to go to the movies. Well the nearest movie theater was an hour away so I said sure and lets grab lunch while we were there too. I got ready, ran into another friend in the hallway and asked if he wanted to go with us and he said sure! I finished getting dressed and looked out the window and it looked like I was looking into a snow globe. It was insane!

It took two hours to make that one hour drive because apparently they do not know what or believe in snow plows in North Carolina but dang as soon as we crossed into Virginia you knew it...because the highway was clear! Anyway on the way home I drove on an overpass on the freeway and hit a patch of black ice and spun my car. I did a 270 spin in the middle of the freeway. Managed to not hit the cement barrier or any other vehicles but I was pretty shaken. When we got onto the highway back to North Carolina, I said that we were going to stop at the Circle K and I was going to drink a large cup of coffee, eat a Hershey's bar and smoke a pack of cigarettes and then we'd be on our way. I did get coffee and chocolate but I did NOT smoke a pack of cigarettes...even though I wanted to!

Back in the here and now. I must say that I am truly hypnotized by the snow. I am not looking forward to work tomorrow since I got a phone call saying that I needed to bring snow gear...which I do not own. However the coolest snow memory that I could ever have would be getting a "first" kiss in the snow. There's this super cute and sweet guy that I have gone out with a couple of times and he lives about a half hour away and text me last night that he hasn't seen any snow. I told him to come up here and visit with me and he can see all the snow he wants! Should he show up then I am so hoping to at least get a kiss this time! I just want to know what if feels like to kiss him and if it could happen in the snow I would be okay with that! I hate being cold and I hate the snow but I would deal with it!

Okay now that I have completely taken this post in a direction that I did not plan or see coming I'm going to make some lunch, do a bit of cleaning and continue to marvel at the snow! Maybe I'll take a shower and make myself look pretty again just in case this super cute guy does come up here to visit me tonight! :D

Until next time!

Monday, January 16, 2012

One of Those Moments

I was just sitting on the couch...yeah that's work today because of the damn snow...playing catch up on one of my favorite shows (Showtime's "Shameless") and there was a guy in the background with absolutely no lines that looked just like the asshat that got me pregnant.

I got pissed off. I got angry. My stomach started to turn and I felt my blood starting to boil. If you have no idea what I am talking about, check out one of my earliest blogs from around last winter. It brought his face right back in front of my eyes. It was a man that I have actually gone weeks and possibly months without thinking about him.

To turn my attention and thoughts to anything else, I started thinking about the love of my life. The guy that I fell in love with nine years ago. Lately there has been a lot of posts on Facebook about what was the number one song on the date of your birth. I decided to go to one of the websites and enter in the date that I met this insanely beautiful blue eyed man. On November 4, 2002, this was the number one song!

"Heaven" by DJ Sammy

I absolutely loved that song! It was seriously one of my favorites and I had completely forgotten about that song! Ten days later we hooked up for the first time. It was amazing! Now I don't really remember much about dates about the first time I met anyone or the first time I kissed anyone or "slept" with anyone except him. So on that tenth day of knowing this man, this was the number one song!

"Unbreakable" by Westlife

The last time I laid eyes on this man I was crying my eyes out, I kissed him, told him that I loved him (for the first time in the one year we had been dating on and off) and I walked away. I found him on Facebook (finally social media has come through) only to find that he is married with 3 beautiful little girls. I have been wondering all these years how he was doing and if he was happy. He did finally tell me that he loves me more than I could ever imagine. I could not function for days after he told me that. The only thing that could have ever made it better is if I could have heard the words right out of his mouth.

Now I am lost in my thoughts, looking out the window at the snow flurries just wishing that I was somewhere else. Somewhere nice and warm instead of this freezing cold, snowing conditions that just makes me want to stay home with hot coffee and movies all day long! Now I'm going to watch some choreography and see how I can shake up my classes!

Until next time!

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Day 1 Without Buffer

To anyone who knows me, and the rare few who have read my blog, you know that I am not a fan of my mom's boyfriend. I used to think he was a good guy. Now I just think he is a tool and total douche bag. I hate to say it but I am just waiting for the day that he screws up yet again to screw my mom over and she kicks him to the curb for what will hopefully be the final time.

Today was Day 1 of my mom being gone and her boyfriend and I are at home. I have already decided that I will be living in my room while she is gone. I spent all day in my room, trying to organize things which is pretty difficult since I need some sort of file system in my room but there isn't any room. I threw some more stuff away and watched movies. I wanted to have my laundry done by now but I forgot about it until a couple of hour ago and just put it in the dryer. Hopefully everything will be dry in a little over an hour so I can have everything in my room and then I won't have to go into the freezing cold garage in the morning.

Today was also the first full day of snow! It started yesterday but didn't really start sticking until the afternoon. My sister was going to come up and color my hair today but will all this damn snow she couldn't make it and there was no way in hell I was going to attempt to drive down to her. On a normal day it takes almost an hour to get to her house...with snow I'm anticipating a lot longer...and I say that because my half hour drive after my Zumba class yesterday morning took just about an hour or more and that didn't even get me got me off the freeway and to the nearest Denny's because damn it I wanted pancakes!

Back to the original mom is supposed to be gone until Thursday but given that she has to fly through Minneapolis, she's hoping to be back by Saturday. If she isn't back by Saturday then that means I will have to be here with that d-bag of hers for a solid week and then have to help out with my nephew's birthday party which is supposed to be Saturday. However the weather is calling for more snow and if that's the case, I don't know if my sister is going to want to haul both of my nephews up here. I don't know what's going to happen.

Oh and just to let y'all know...every time I walk around the corner leaving the living room, I turn around and flip the d-bag off...because he's been sitting on the couch pretty much all day long...yet another reason I refuse to go out there. He can watch all the same shit in their room as out in the living room...I cannot...I get stuck watching the few channels that I do get or movies...enter "Harry Potter" marathon. I have only managed to make it to the 3rd year (and started on the 2nd because I watched the 1st not too long ago)...and will probably fall asleep during the 4th year.

Until next time!

Saturday, January 14, 2012

Gone So Long...

I had gotten INCREDIBLY good at this. By "this" I am referring to writing in my blog/journal...whatever you want to call it! I don't even know really where I left off in my life to be completely honest.

First and foremost I am trying to get one of my Zumba classes to take off. Hell I would like even just a few people to show up! I have been trying to teach a class for a couple months now and no one has shown up at all. I can handle a few no shows. What I cannot handle is knowing that no one is going to show up and still getting all excited to teach only to be let down EVERY week when I stand around in my Zumbawear for 15 minutes PASSED when class was supposed to start. I hang my head and walk to my car just wanting to bust into tears.

However the last two weeks the classes being cancelled crushed me but I had a date with a very cute and handsome guy. I met him early in December when I attended a holiday party (not a Christmas Party) with my mom at the home of one of her customers. It was fun but I knew no one! I have met my mom's customer a couple of times but not enough to be able to recognize him walking down the street. I am friends with his daughter so I knew one other person there besides my own mother.

So we sat down for dinner and he was at the table that Mom and I sat at. I had to try and keep from staring at him. I felt almost hypnotized. I could not stop thinking about him so I asked my friend what I should do. She told me to send him a message on Facebook so I did. It was pretty basic and standard "Hey don't know if you remember me but wanna get a drink?". He responded and we met up a couple weeks ago for a drink.

We hung out for an hour or so and I felt like I had been doing a lot of talking. I waited a day or so and then told him that I had fun and that we should do it again sometime. I was at work this last Monday, getting ready to close up for the night when I saw I had a text from the guy asking me if I wanted to get dinner the next night! I was doing a little happy dance...and I was not too bummed about my class getting cancelled this last week because it gave me that much more time to get ready for my date.

I think I may be smitten...either way I don't really care because I am happy and I am having fun and that is all that I want! Now I am going to deal with this horrible headache that I have had for the last couple of hours and possibly pass out. All I know is that this girl is not teaching tomorrow morning because of the snow and will NOT be waking up to an alarm clock and damn it I hope I sleep in for the first time since I moved. That's right! I have not been able to sleep in since mid August! I slept in until about 9:30 one time and it was a forced sleep when I was sick...and I do not really count sleeping until 11:20am on New Years Day as sleeping in because I didn't get to bed or sleep until after 4am so I only got about 7 hours of sleep.

Peace out y'all! Until next time!

Sunday, January 1, 2012

How Many Douche Bag Moves Can One Make?

Typically after someone screws up and f**ks you over multiple times, you cut your ties...count your losses. Someone very close to me continues to allow herself to be used and screwed over by the same man. First, he screws up royally, my mom breaks up with him and he turns to one of her really good friends and makes out with her (can you say asshole?!?).

Yet she forgives him, takes him back, doesn't fully trust him and allows him to use her yet again. She tries to communicate with him and get him to hear her and see her points but he didn't/doesn't/won't hear or understand her. She kicks him out yet again. Kicks him out the weekend of Halloween.

She's all sorts of pissed off and removes everything of his from the house and gives it back to him. She wanted NOTHING to do with him. They had no communication for about 2 weeks when all of a sudden he starts texting her. She just got so angry every time he texted her and then all of a sudden she starts laughing and giggling and 4 weeks after kicking him out, he came back.

He got lonely. He needed someone to fill the void and he prayed on the fact that she cares about him. He weasled his way and manipulated her into coming back into her life. He is an asshole and I cannot stand him period.

Now here's where I get really angry. She plans out this amazing birthday weekend for his birthday because he said that he could work out with his ex wife the weekend that he would have their kids. He tells her to go ahead and make her plans. She spends hundreds of dollars making all these reservations of stuff to do the weekend before his birthday only to have him pull a poor me kind of act and say that his ex won't swap weekends with him and that either he feels bad and guilty for not spending the weekend with her after all the work and effort she put in to planning that weekend or he misses out on a weekend with his children.

She's already told him that it was his fault and that she's not getting him anything or doing anything for his birthday because of everything that she had planned and she's going to spend that weekend with someone else...make it a girls weekend instead.

Even after telling him that he doesn't seem to appreciate anything that she ever tries to plan or give to him. Why would she continue to deal with his bullshit? It kills me inside and hurts me to see the way he treats her and I just have to stand by and keep my mouth shut. It's not right...but there's nothing else I can do without causing major problems and hurting feelings.

This sounds really bad but I hope that he continues to screw up over and over and over again and that she finally just washes her hands of him. I just hope that it happens very soon because I cannot stand this man for much longer and I have no choice but to have to deal with him because of the living arrangement I am can't change just yet. I do not make enough to live on my own.

Until next time