Recently, while walking in a park along the river, I was asked to clarify a statement I had previously made. When I asked what I needed to clarify, I was asked to clarify what I meant by going into relationships without expectations and how that differs from hoping for things. My answer was very easy!
I said, simply, that I hope to spend time with you at least once a week. If it happens, it happens. If it does not, then it does not. No harm, no foul! It is not until you expect things to happen that you risk getting yourself and/or your feelings hurt. He asked for an example.
My boss said in the spring that he was going to hire someone to help out on the line for the summer. After talking to multiple people and being told that there is always three people working the line in the summer (long hours, split shifts, people do not get burnt out as quick), I felt confident in making plans. I signed myself up for an all day training to obtain a new Zumba license and I got excited to attend my family's annual camping trip/boat races. The day of my training was sneaking up on me and no one had been hired so I worked out a way to stay late the day before so that way I could attend my training the next day and go to work late. I was stressed and pretty confident that I had a lot of gray hairs sprout around that time! My family's camping trip was around the corner and I realized that no one was going to be hired and I was not going to be able to go camping and see my family. I was very disappointed. I was hurt. I was let down. It was something I was looking forward to doing and ended up not being able to go.
When you expect things, you get let down and hurt when they do not happen. That is why when it comes to relationships, be it business, friendly, or personal, I go in with next to no expectations. I learned real fast that even though I try to plan my lunch at work and I expect to take it around 1:30pm, I know that it is rare to actually get to take my lunch on time or when I want. The only time I expect something from a friend is when it has been agreed that something will happen or whatever and that they follow through and do not blow it/me off.
That kind of goes for personal relationships also. When a date was made to go to a local AA baseball game because there were fireworks after the game, I expected to stay the entire game. I got a little irritated when my date said we might have to leave early because it was getting late. Irritated is not the right word...I was a little hurt. I love fireworks and I have not been to a baseball game (major league or minor league) in over two years. I told him that he was more than welcome to stay but if he really felt that he had to leave, I would find a way home. I would call my mom and wake her up if I needed to but I was going to stay for the fireworks regardless of the fact if he stayed or left. He stayed.
With all that I have lived through and experienced, it may seem harsh that I do not expect anything from anyone because I truly do not trust that I will not be let down. I have put too much trust into people who have done nothing but let me down over the years and I am sick of it. Call it a wall that I have built but I just want to have fun and not expect anything less than.
Now that my pain killers have finally made me drowsy (four hours after being taken), I am going to crash since 6am is going to come way too soon!
Until next time!