In order to fully understand what I am about to write about, you should first read this blog entry I made a little over a year ago.
Time To Get Personal & Emotional
Now that you've read the previous blog, I will begin!
There are two times each year that sadden me: August 26th (again...if you haven't read the above mentioned blog you won't understand) and roughly this time of year but usually gets bad mid-March.
My precious little angle would be getting ready to turn 7. I can't even begin to imagine how different my life would be right now if she were here.
The main purpose of this post is that I finally want to try and move on. It's been hard because there are so few people that I can talk to about what happened that won't judge me. I know that I blame Nate* and that the first thing I have to do is stop blaming him and forgive him right? The thing is is that I have had so much hatred and anger built up towards this man for almost 8 years that the very thought of him turns my stomach...I see flames before my eyes...I want to cry and punch him in the face all at the same time.
How do I push forward when I can't forgive? What he put me thought physically, emotionally and mentally is unforgivable but I know that I can't begin to fully live my life until I do. Any advice?
Until next time!
*Name changed to protect identity