"Obsessed"

Have you ever watched the show "Obsessed" on A&E?  If not I will give you a quick little tid bit about the show.  Each episode focuses on two individuals suffering from some sort of OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) who want to get help.  Each person works with a therapist that uses cognitive behavioral therapy to help alleviate the stress, anxiety and compulsions in order to try and live a somewhat normal life.  Being a psychology student, I could go on about cognitive behavioral therapy because it is something that I truly believe in but that is not the focus of this post.

I do not have pity for these people because it is not what these people want.  They do not want people's pity.  They feel so alone and feel like no one understands them.  I do have some fears and things that I do that I suppose could be a form of OCD but compared to what I have seen, it could be an extremely mild form.

Some examples of my OCD would include alphabetizing.  I usually have my DVDs alphabetized by title.  At one point I had considered looking up each title to see what the first category it would fall under and alphabetize them by category and then by title but I knew that would just take too long to do and it would just be easier on me to be like, "Oh I think I want to watch Fried Green Tomatoes tonight." and then just go straight to the 'F' section of my DVDs and there it is instead of trying to figure out which category I filed it under.  I have my CDs alphabetized but those I have alphabetized by categories of Groups, Singles, Solo Artists, Soundtracks.  The categories are alphabetized and then the discs in each category are alphabetized.  If I have multiple CDs by the same group or artist then I do it by release date instead of alphabetical order.  Right now my DVDs and CDs are in shambles and it's driving me nuts but it's not affecting me to the point that I cannot live my life until it is fixed.

When I eat things like M&Ms, Skittles, Runts or anything that consists of different colors, I separate them into groups.  If I have M&Ms or Skittles, I separate by color (not flavor) and then I put them in order from least amount to the highest amount.  If there are two or more colors with the same number then I put them in alphabetical order by color.  With something like Runts, I separate them into their groups and put them in order from least to most and if there are the same numbers I alphabetize them by what they are (bananas, grapes, hearts, etc).

I am very open at the fact that I am afraid of the dark.  My fear of the dark is the type of dark that leaves you in a spot that your eyes cannot adjust to the darkness and you cannot see your and right in front of your face.  I have a very over active imagination and if I were in a room where I could not see and my eyes could not adjust I would lose my mind because I would think that something is in there with me.  I will not look into a mirror in the dark.  It is not that I am afraid of what I will see in the mirror with me because I know that there is nothing there in the dark when I just turn the lights out that were not there with the lights on.  I just cannot do it and I do not know why.  If the power is out and I have to use a flash light to go into the bathroom or use a candle, I have no problem looking into the mirror.  I also do not like having the blinds or curtains opened when it gets dark outside.  My ex and I had our windows replaced in our house last spring or summer and did not have any blinds or curtains to cover the windows or anything and I was always so terrified that I would look up and see someone watching me.  We had French doors in our bedroom and I hated going to sleep in there with nothing to cover the windows.

I prefer to have a bed that is not open underneath, if that makes since.  I had very little anxiety about the bed that my ex husband and I shared because it had drawers that were under the bed so it was not open like someone could hide under it.  I would not check under the bed with the bed we had before because I did feel safe in my house.  When I was a kid, we had left in the morning and forgotten to shut the front door and my mom or dad would have to walk through the house and make sure that no one was in the house before they would let my sisters and me inside the house.  I remember having a bump in the carpet about 2 or 3 feet out from my bed and knew that if there was someone under my bed, they would not be able to reach me at that bump.  If I had to get up in the middle of the night, I would stand on my bed and jump passed that bump in the carpet and when I came back to bed I would dive onto my bed from that same spot.  I do not have those issues right now because I know that I have big blankets and comforters under the bed and that no one would be able to be under the bed.

I have shared some of my big fears.  I do still have some that I am not real comfortable talking about in this type of forum but I hope that one day I will be able to be open about it all.

Until next time!