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Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Why Do We Want What We Cannot Have?

What do you think is going on in this picture? Is it a guy ordering a drink and flirting with this girl? Is she trying to keep him from walking away by sliding her foot behind his leg? What do you think is going through each of their minds?

To me, I see a woman who wants someone she cannot have. The way he is completely facing the bar (or wherever they are) almost says that he is not interested. Imagine for a second that he was turned slightly towards her...how different that would make the picture?

While I am the first to admit that I suck at flirting and I am even worse (or more oblivious would be more accurate) at detecting when someone else is flirting with or hitting on me. If I try to flirt, I stutter and stumble over my words. I trip over my own feet...which really is not any different from my normal every day self...I hurt myself or someone else. Not quite poking an eye out or anything but damn near close enough!

I do not date much...not now...not ever really. I blame the lack of dating and severe lack of social skills when I was younger to the fact that I cannot flirt nor recognize when someone else is.

I finally am getting around to the subject of my post tonight and the reason behind the picture. Why do we want what we cannot have? I am pretty sure that I have wrote about this in the not-so-distant past but it is something that has just been plaguing my mind lately...well...at least 3 days a week for sure but practically every day I am thinking about it!

This particular man that I am currently interested in has left my head and my heart battling it out...I have my head screaming out, "HEY STUPID!!! THIS IS A REALLY BAD IDEA!!!" My heart just responds, "I know...(glance up and see said man) but I just cannot help it!" I have thought about it plenty of times. Wondering if the situation were different and we had met under different circumstances would I still be attracted to him...

My answer varies...and usually that question comes to mind just about the time someone makes him laugh and he has this horribly bad laugh. If I only hear him laughing, my answer is usually a probably not but if I see him while he is laughing I have to fight to keep from almost melting in my shoes!

I hang my head in shame at the fact that I am so intensely attracted to this man that I should not be and all signs point to "BAD IDEA". Some say I should not but I have always had this issue with wanting the men I should not have.

I have been out with this man quite often with other people and there have been times when body parts touch...elbows, knees, etc and yet neither pulls away. I actually try and make a conscious effort to look into his eyes when he speaks to me and anyone who knows me knows that I hate to look into people's eyes because it totally creeps me out! There have been a few occasions where we have found ourselves out...just the two of us...and things have been said or done that have made me question if he was kind of trying to flirt with me.

For instance...in the same night he made a suggestive move while drinking a drink (granted we were laughing and joking about something) and he may have just been making fun of me for the way I was licking the sugar off my glass before taking a sip of my drink. I have to say that I was a little turned on...then he tried to feed me part of the dessert we were splitting. I think because of this internal battle of wanting him but knowing that I should not is what has been holding me back from really trying anything...because it really would be a BAD IDEA!!!

Okay so now that I feel like I was just rambling and not even sure if I said what I originally intended to say, I am going to sign off, put my laundry away and crash!

Until next time!