Believe/Hope/Pray

I originally started to write tonight about something completely different tonight but I came to a pausing point where I didn't really know where to go so I saved it as a draft and was going to come back to it.  I diddled around on Facebook for a little bit and then decided to take a look at Pinterest since I'm actually using my mom's laptop.  I came across this picture and it reminded me of a conversation.

A few weeks ago, I wrote about someone and referred to him affectionately as "Asshole".  He isn't an asshole but I was angry and hurt and it is how I felt at the time.  I was absolutely in love with him for years!  Last year I fell for him all over again and then he disappeared on me.

I remember a conversation I had with a friend of mine.  He wanted to know WHY I was waiting for this guy.  What was holding me back from going to him?  He was throwing out all sorts of questions like that and I couldn't answer a single one of them.  I was putting my life on hold waiting for him.

I couldn't wait forever for him and I am glad that I didn't wait because I found an amazing man.  My BF is the greatest man.  I couldn't be happier.  I am the luckiest woman in the world.  He opens doors/car doors for me.  He makes me feel loved and wanted.  He respects me.  He comforts me.  He helps me embrace my inner nerd and enhance it!  He listens to me.  He encourages me.  He loves me.  He falls asleep holding me.  I wake up happier when I wake up next to him.  We cook together.  We love to just be with each other.  I can spend the whole day with him not really doing anything and still have a great day!

For example, Sunday we went out for breakfast (at lunch time because we slept really late and totally needed it), came home, cleaned, he tried to teach me to play Magic...I tried to understand it and I think I started to get it but I'm not entirely too sure.  I told him that he needed to have patience with me because I have never played card games like that before and I didn't understand and that it would take some time.

He held me when I had an anxiety/panic attack last night.  My chest hurt, my heart was pounding, I couldn't breathe, I felt sick and I was dizzy.  I don't know what happen except that I was crying and he was holding me.  He said that he was scared but the bits I remember he seemed very calm.  I am so glad he was there for me.  He did tell me today that he didn't mean to break me...lol!  I'm not broken silly man!  I am absolutely in love with this man!  I can't even begin to imagine what I would do without him.

It is his birthday this weekend and it is going to be amazing!  I'll make sure that my camera is fully charged and that I take lots of pics!  I won't post what we're doing just in case he reads this (which he will at some point) but he is going to have a blast!  I hope he realizes that he truly is an amazing man and that he is extremely special to me!  To everyone!  If not then I have failed as his girlfriend but I think in addition to all the reasons he says I the best, I hope to achieve super awesome girlfriend status this weekend...or at least pretty damn close to!

I might post some pics of the awesome weekend we have next week...and maybe some video if I can get some!

Until next time!

Did I Get Lucky Or What?!

I have been absent for entirely too long and I know I have said it before but I really do want to write more and not go so freaking long in between posts!  With that said, onward to today's post!

A little over a month ago or so I received a request on Facebook along with a message from a guy that I had met a few times about eight and a half years ago.  He is, like, best friends with one of my really good friends from my time in the Coast Guard.  He tells me in this message who he is (and I vaguely remembered him) and that our mutual friend suggested that he look me up.  He is active duty and received orders to Seattle.  Our friend told him to look me up since I live up here.

We exchanged phone numbers and started texting.  The day after he got here, he came up and had lunch with me.  The second I saw him I remembered him.  He has not changed much in the last eight years.  I mean we have all gotten a little older but the second I saw him standing at his car in the parking lot, I remembered him.  How could I have forgotten his face?

I enjoyed spending my short hour long lunch with him.  The more we texted, the more I found it easier to just be me.  I was able to say anything to him and could just tell that no matter what I said, he would never judge me.  I do not have to censor myself around him.  It is absolutely amazing!

So his first week here I had tickets to a Mariner's game (because they were playing my Cubs).  One of my friends from high school was supposed to go with me so I asked him if he wanted to go.  I also told him that I had a fourth ticket if his roommate wanted to go.  I was all set for a night out when my friend from high school ended up having to back out.  That left over ticket went to my dad.  I was a little skeptic to bring him and his roommate (whom I had never met) around my dad since I do not have the greatest relationship with my dad.  We had a ton of fun and got to watch the first ever fireworks display at Safeco!

I have spent every weekend with him.  I work every Saturday but I get off around 6pm and I have stayed with him.  The first night that I stayed there I had entirely too much vodka and passed out.  He was so sweet and gave me a blanket.  We spent all night playing this card game and while sitting next to him, I stole a glance at him while he was laughing.  He seriously has the most beautiful blue eyes and the way they light up when he laughs.

Last week we went to a Sounders game.  It was my first major league soccer game.  I was so excited!  I actually do not know if I was more excited to be going to the game or that I got spend over 105 minutes with him!  I leaned my head on his shoulder during the game.  Any chance that I could I had to touch him...his arm...his hand...his leg with mine.

Later that night we stopped at grabbed a bite to eat and we were talking.  He was telling me about his family and I can hardly put into words the way he looked.  I was just mesmerized by him.  I could see the pain and the happiness and the sadness and the loneliness.

I already knew that I wanted to know more about him but I did not expect to find that I was developing feelings for this guy.  A man that I hardly know but I am totally and completely drawn to.  I cannot wait to see him again and again.  Every time I get butterflies in my stomach and he just makes me feel good about myself.  He makes it just so easy to be me!

Now for the first time in two years, I am proud to say that I am ready!  I have not been in any place in my life where I wanted to be in a relationship or could be in a relationship but I have finally allowed myself to grow and as of 11pm on Monday, July 8th, I became his girlfriend!!!

I cannot stop smiling.  He makes me blush.  I feel so much happier since he got here.  He has even passed the family test...well part of it!  He has met my dad...my mom, grandma, and youngest sister...and they all like him and think he is so nice.  He had dinner with us last night (well I guess I should say Thursday night since it is technically Saturday now) and stayed and hung out with me for a little while.

I told one of my girl friends about him and she asked me if I thought it was just a fling or something long-term.  I definitely do not see this ending in the foreseeable future!  I love spending every moment with him as I can!  We are hanging out tomorrow night and then maybe possibly going to Ikea on Sunday...YEAH!!!

I know that there will be a whole lot more posts in the future regarding my boyfriend and I smile to myself just typing that word "boyfriend"...because he is mine!  He is MY boyfriend and I could not have gotten luckier than to have such an amazing man be mine!

Until next time!