Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Dream So Real

Have you ever had a dream that just felt so real that you were literally crushed when you woke up to find that it was seriously just a dream?  I had one of those last night.  I was with a guy that I fell in love with years ago.  It felt so amazing and right.  I could feel his kiss and, by the way, it has been about 9 years since I last kissed this man.  I could feel his arms around me and I could even smell him.  I felt happy and at peace for the first time in a long time!

In this dream, we were connected at the hip.  We were going everywhere together.  We fell asleep next to each other and I woke up and thought I was dreaming (this is still the dream) everything and saw him asleep next to me and I curled myself up next to him and fell back to sleep.  I could run my fingers through his hair and feel his breath on my skin.  I was so happy and so in love and then I woke up, for real this time, and reached for him only to find myself in an empty bed.

It felt like the air had been sucked out of my body.  My heart ached.  The last time I saw him, he was getting ready to deploy and I was getting ready to transfer.  I wanted to say goodbye to him to his face and he was refusing to answer my calls and I told him through his door that I just wanted to say goodbye and then I was leaving.  I told him that I wasn't going to leave until he opened his door.  He finally did and I grabbed his face, kissed him through tears, told him I loved him and then I walked away and didn't look back.  It was the hardest thing I have ever done.

I know that he is happy though.  He is married and has a family.  I wish him nothing but the best.  I just think sometimes that I wish that was my life.  I heard this song earlier on my iPod and it is what inspired me to write this.  "I Love You" by Celine Dion.

Until Next Time!