#Reverb 13 - Precious Memories

Today is day 6 of Reverb13.  Here is today's prompt:

“True wisdom lies in gathering the precious things out of each day as it goes by.”— E.S. Bouton

There are so many “precious things” that are presented to us each day; discoveries and treasures found in simple moments, memories we wish to store in our hearts and keep with us forever.  What precious things have you gathered in 2013?  Which memories from this year do you wish to keep with you always?

I received a picture message today from BF's roommate (I really need a good nickname for him...Catman...yeah...we'll go with that for now...he loves cats and has two).  It is a picture from BF's birthday weekend when we saw Daniel Tosh at the Paramount in downtown Seattle.  Besides feeling like the luckiest woman in the world for having such an amazing man in my life, this is one of my precious memories from this year and I hope to keep it with me for as long as he will keep me around (which he said he wants to be forever)!

Onward to Tosh!

We started dating in July and Sunday will be our five month anniversary...and I do not have to work!  I am so excited.  These last five months have been amazing.  Just being with him is special.  Like right now.  We both were doing school work.  We both have either headphones or ear buds in listening to our own music (btw if you have not heard Britney Spears' latest album "Britney Jean" then go listen now...for free on Spotify if you don't want to purchase it but shame on you if you don't!).  Now he's playing a computer game and I'm cleaning out my inbox for my email.  We aren't actively talking to each other but just being near him makes me happy!  I love him so much!

Well I think I am going to continue to clean out my inbox...gotta go to sleep soon so I can get up for work in the morning.  It is going to be a long day tomorrow.  Really long and cold!  Until next time!

Believe/Hope/Pray

I originally started to write tonight about something completely different tonight but I came to a pausing point where I didn't really know where to go so I saved it as a draft and was going to come back to it.  I diddled around on Facebook for a little bit and then decided to take a look at Pinterest since I'm actually using my mom's laptop.  I came across this picture and it reminded me of a conversation.

A few weeks ago, I wrote about someone and referred to him affectionately as "Asshole".  He isn't an asshole but I was angry and hurt and it is how I felt at the time.  I was absolutely in love with him for years!  Last year I fell for him all over again and then he disappeared on me.

I remember a conversation I had with a friend of mine.  He wanted to know WHY I was waiting for this guy.  What was holding me back from going to him?  He was throwing out all sorts of questions like that and I couldn't answer a single one of them.  I was putting my life on hold waiting for him.

I couldn't wait forever for him and I am glad that I didn't wait because I found an amazing man.  My BF is the greatest man.  I couldn't be happier.  I am the luckiest woman in the world.  He opens doors/car doors for me.  He makes me feel loved and wanted.  He respects me.  He comforts me.  He helps me embrace my inner nerd and enhance it!  He listens to me.  He encourages me.  He loves me.  He falls asleep holding me.  I wake up happier when I wake up next to him.  We cook together.  We love to just be with each other.  I can spend the whole day with him not really doing anything and still have a great day!

For example, Sunday we went out for breakfast (at lunch time because we slept really late and totally needed it), came home, cleaned, he tried to teach me to play Magic...I tried to understand it and I think I started to get it but I'm not entirely too sure.  I told him that he needed to have patience with me because I have never played card games like that before and I didn't understand and that it would take some time.

He held me when I had an anxiety/panic attack last night.  My chest hurt, my heart was pounding, I couldn't breathe, I felt sick and I was dizzy.  I don't know what happen except that I was crying and he was holding me.  He said that he was scared but the bits I remember he seemed very calm.  I am so glad he was there for me.  He did tell me today that he didn't mean to break me...lol!  I'm not broken silly man!  I am absolutely in love with this man!  I can't even begin to imagine what I would do without him.

It is his birthday this weekend and it is going to be amazing!  I'll make sure that my camera is fully charged and that I take lots of pics!  I won't post what we're doing just in case he reads this (which he will at some point) but he is going to have a blast!  I hope he realizes that he truly is an amazing man and that he is extremely special to me!  To everyone!  If not then I have failed as his girlfriend but I think in addition to all the reasons he says I the best, I hope to achieve super awesome girlfriend status this weekend...or at least pretty damn close to!

I might post some pics of the awesome weekend we have next week...and maybe some video if I can get some!

Until next time!

Love The One You Are With...

Or love yourself if you are single...like me!  This time of year is not necessarily hard for me because I have never had anyone to make it special.  My ex husband's birthday is February 13th...therefore every year I got to hear about how he thanked his mother every year for pushing him out before midnight.  There was nothing I could do to ever make his birthday special.  Lord knows I tried though.  I have made it publicly known that I am far from girly HOWEVER I found that I need to hear that I am beautiful and needed and wanted and loved...blah blah blah...

I have never really had a Valentine or a date on Valentine's Day for that matter.  It would be nice to actually wear one of these dresses hanging in my closet.  Like last year and the year before and the year before that (and so on and so forth), I will be dateless and Valentineless.  I will be at work on Valentine's Day...I will wear my red work shirt (my hair is newly half-colored red) and I will just go about my day like it was any other day.

I very much wish that I had my special someone to spend Valentine's Day with but since I do not, I will probably stop by the store, get some chocolate cake and ice cream, come home and lock myself in my room and enjoy some wine...or a lot of wine...depends on my mood...

What do you have planned for Valentine's Day?  Are you spending it with someone special or just treating yourself like the special person you are?  Until next time!

Something From The Heart

When it comes down to it, I want it to be you and me.

Can you see it?

Sitting on the beach?

Bundled up in the snow?

Driving down a back road to nowhere?

With you by my side, I will go anywhere!

What Is Your Song?

Back in February, I wrote about how hearing certain songs can take you back.  Relive old memories of good or bad times.  Remind you of a specific event or person.  This is my favorite song RIGHT THIS VERY MOMENT!  I posted the video on Facebook, Twitter and Google + yesterday once I figured out what it was called and who it was by.  Now for your viewing pleasure, "Cruise" by Florida Georgia Line.

I really love this video.  Well I love the video because I love the song!  I seriously could listen to it on repeat all day long.  I have not found a song like that since the beginning of summer and I first heard "Shinin' On Me" by Jerrod Neimann.  Wait...you have never heard that one either?  Oh boy...here...watch now!

Now that you are all caught up...from the first moment I heard "Cruise" I had one specific person in mind.  Even though I have not even laid eyes on him since I first heard this song, he is the one I think of when I hear it.  I get all girly and start day dreaming about just taking off and driving into the middle of nowhere together and just getting away and escaping and just be with each other!

The way I feel when I hear this song is amazing.  I find a smile on my face and I can close my eyes and see his which, of course, makes me smile even bigger.  I really like this guy and I cannot even begin to find the actual words to tell him that.  I do not even  know him that well but I want to.  I want to know him.  I want to spend time with him.  I want to feel his arms around me again.  Once was NOT enough.  It left me wanting more.

It really is an unexpected feeling to be honest.  I have been very firm on the fact that I do not want to be in a relationship yet I find myself yearning for one.  If things work out the way I hope, I should get to see him again soon and you better believe that I am going to relish every moment that I am in his presence!

Until next time!

Day 3: Favorite Quote

I have several quotes that I absolutely love!  Here they are and a couple of them I will explain why.

"Zumba is like Madonna...it's never going away!" ~ Madalene Aponte
     Miss Madalene is a Zumba Education Specialist out of Hawaii and she led  my Basic 1 and Basic 2 trainings.  She is one of the sweetest women in the world!  She said this during my Basic 2 training in January 2012.  I do believe that she is correct!

"Love is something eternal - the aspects may change, but not the essence." ~ Vincent Van Gogh

"This is a Taco Burrito conversation...Nachos!" ~ Bridgette Hennessy (10 Simple Rules)
     Not only was this show just absolutely hilarious but I cannot say this quote without laughing!

"I feel like I just found out that my favorite love song was written about a sandwich." ~ Jane (27 Dresses)
     Anyone else felt like this sometimes?  There are days when it just feels like everything you thought you knew was just wrong and this just hits the nail on the head!

"There are two kinds of man:  the ones who make history and the ones who endure it." ~ Camilo Jose Cela, Spanish novelist
     Now I am not trying to make history BUT I do not want to just live life.  I want to make a difference.  That is why I love being a Zumba Instructor.  I want to touch peoples lives through Zumba and be a part of their history.  If I can help someone let go and feel better about themselves in any way, shape or form then I am happy!

"A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the doctor's book" ~ Irish Proverb
     No one can say that they do not fell better after a good, hardy laugh.  Any time I actually try to get in a long good night's sleep, I wake up several times during the night.

"This tastes significantly better than sardines!" ~ Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs

Do You Believe True Love Is The Same As Only Loving One?

I was watching a movie and saw an acronym LOLA standing for Lust Often Love Always. It got me thinking about my life. More specifically my love life. Scratch that...my sex life. I have loved long before I ever had sex and my sex life only started nine years ago. I wouldn't say that I was a late bloomer. I was absolutely terrified and CONVINCED that if I had sex before I graduated from high school and moved out of my parents house that either they were going to walk in or find out and I would get in trouble.

I was like every girl. I wanted my first time to be special. I wanted it to be with someone I was head over heals in love with. I did not have those dreams where candles were everywhere with rose petals scattered everywhere. I did not actually care where it happened as long as I felt special and loved the guy I was with. I got lucky!

I met THE guy on November 10, 2002. I was standing outside of a shipmate's house. I was fresh out of boot camp...ten days on my boat to be exact. I'm standing there with my rack mate from boot camp and one of the guys in our department who was showing us around the big city! I looked over towards a group of people and saw him standing there. The moment I set eyes on him I felt it! That rush!

Anyone who has ever fallen in love at first sight knows exactly what I am talking about. You see nothing but that person. You feel the warm fuzzies from centimeters apart or thousands of miles apart. I asked my new shipmate if he knew this guy and if he could introduce me. Again...I got lucky! He did know him...not well but enough to know his name! I was introduced and the moment I heard him speak, he was like a drug and I was hooked!

Everything about him had me mesmerized! The way he walked, talked, smiled, laughed, looked at me and the slightest touch would just make my head spin! We went with my friend from boot camp and our shipmate somewhere and he kissed me in the car. I am pretty sure that I had, like, a permanent smile on my face. Four days later we went out. I don't know where we went but I remember making out in a parking garage.

That night was nothing short of perfect. He knew it was my first time and he made sure that I was comfortable and happy. My only regret (and if you know me, you know that I regret nothing because there's no point) is not having more of those perfect nights.

Now this brings me to the title of my post. Do you believe that it is possible to have only one true love or can true love happen more than once to someone? I believe that every person has someone out there meant for them but that someone may not necessarily be the one that they truly love, if that makes any sense. I have loved with my whole heart multiple times and I do not deny that I have had true love in the past and that it has happened several times. I think there is someone out there that will make me feel whole but is it necessarily the person I am going to spend the rest of my life with? I don't think so...not for me anyway.

I still love this guy with all of my heart. I have thought about him just about every day for the last 9 years. All I want is for him to be happy and I know that eventually he will be fully happy with all aspects of his life as will I. He will always have a special place in my heart. Forever and always.

Until next time

My, Oh My!

I am a huge chicken! Plain and simple! C-H-I-C-K-E-N!!! Why am I a chicken? Well because there is this guy. He's cute. Okay...he's REALLY cute! I am and have always been completely oblivious to the fact that a guy is hitting on me but after telling my mom about some of our conversations, she pointed out that he was flirting with me. I kind of get flustered around him. I think I keep my cool though. I can carry on a conversation with him and laugh and be fine except say the things that I really want to say.

I have this birthday party to go to this Saturday for one of my mom's friends and she told me that I need to bring a date. I just moved up here and don't really know anyone and don't really have time to meet anyone...and the pickings seem to be pretty slim up here anyway. LOL!

So I've been trying to build up the courage to find a round about way to find out if he has a girlfriend or if he's single and then slip in there that I need a date if he is single. I'm kind of hoping that I see him on Wednesday and that he asks me about my day and I'll tell him about how "great" of a week I've had...starting with the most awkward 28 minutes I spent with my ex boyfriend today getting my stuff from him and leading into the whole needing a date thing and I'll ask him if he knows anyone cute and single that might want to go...hopefully he'll say he's free!

One can only hope for things to go that smoothly right? I have a whole other guy dilemma but I am too exhausted to even think anymore tonight so I'll have to save it for tomorrow. I just really wish I had the nerve to say what I want to say. Although in the brief talks that we have had, he's mentioned that his cat and dog are like his personal alarm clocks and never mentioned a girlfriend so here's fingers crossed that he's single...

Hopefully I'll have some good news regarding this matter here in a couple of days! Until next time!

Dream So Real

Have you ever had a dream that just felt so real that you were literally crushed when you woke up to find that it was seriously just a dream?  I had one of those last night.  I was with a guy that I fell in love with years ago.  It felt so amazing and right.  I could feel his kiss and, by the way, it has been about 9 years since I last kissed this man.  I could feel his arms around me and I could even smell him.  I felt happy and at peace for the first time in a long time!

In this dream, we were connected at the hip.  We were going everywhere together.  We fell asleep next to each other and I woke up and thought I was dreaming (this is still the dream) everything and saw him asleep next to me and I curled myself up next to him and fell back to sleep.  I could run my fingers through his hair and feel his breath on my skin.  I was so happy and so in love and then I woke up, for real this time, and reached for him only to find myself in an empty bed.

It felt like the air had been sucked out of my body.  My heart ached.  The last time I saw him, he was getting ready to deploy and I was getting ready to transfer.  I wanted to say goodbye to him to his face and he was refusing to answer my calls and I told him through his door that I just wanted to say goodbye and then I was leaving.  I told him that I wasn't going to leave until he opened his door.  He finally did and I grabbed his face, kissed him through tears, told him I loved him and then I walked away and didn't look back.  It was the hardest thing I have ever done.

I know that he is happy though.  He is married and has a family.  I wish him nothing but the best.  I just think sometimes that I wish that was my life.  I heard this song earlier on my iPod and it is what inspired me to write this.  "I Love You" by Celine Dion.

http://youtu.be/ZheYTsrkzZA

Until Next Time!

Doubts and Regrets

I try to have a firm grip on reality and while like any other normal human being (and I use the term "normal" loosely) I have had doubts about situations and people.  One thing that I have always said is that I never have regrets.  Regret is like hate...it's just kind of a waste of energy.  What can you really accomplish by hating someone?  Nothing!  What can you achieve by regreting a decision?  Nothing!

Unfortunately not only am I doubting some of the choices that I have made but I just might be starting to regret them.  I find myself constantly trying not to cry.  My heart aches.  I have a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach that I made the wrong choices.

When I was finally able to file my divorce papers I felt relief.  When I found out that my divorce was finalized and that I was no longer married, it felt like a HUGE weight had been lifted off my shoulders.  Unfortunately that was short lived.  I felt depressed and horrible and was always on the constant verge of tears.

It wasn't until last weekend when I helped my mom move my sister into her dorm.  While we were driving there and back it brought back a flood of memories from the road trip that my ex and I took last October.  I actually broke down and confessed to my mom that I missed him and our home and my dogs and the life that I had.  I still love him.  I can think back and see all the appreciation that he did show in his own way.  I told my mom that if I had to go back and do it all over again, I would have stayed up here at my mom's house and figured things out and then gone home and worked on our marriage.

I really want to tell him but I don't think that it would or could make a difference.

Until next time.