It has been a long week and today is only my Wednesday! Remember when I had one of "THOSE" days? Not really? Let me refresh your memory here! Today seems to be another one.
My head is killing me! Seriously...it feels like it is going to split open at any given moment...or I am going to vomit everywhere. These are a few of my current stressers that I know are the reasons behind these nasty headaches:
A) The fact that the VA (Veteran's Affairs) overpaid me and sent my money into an account that my name is not on and I have ZERO access to (which means having to talk to my ex husband...and only via email so there is a paper trail if he decides to go into douche bag mode).
B) I am enrolled in an English Literature class being assigned to read work that looks like English and sounds like English but when you put the individual words together to form phrases and sentences, I am screwed!
C) Speaking of school, I got my work schedule for this coming week and I am only working 17 hours...which after taxes will not even cover my payment for my class let alone the other bills that I have (car insurance, cell phone, credit card, storage unit, and rent) or the fact that I have to put gas in my car to get to work and I need to be able to feed myself something with a better nutritional value than Top Ramen (only beef flavored thank you)!
D) Then there is my knee! I do not have the added stress of trying to figure out how to pay for the X-rays, MRIs, Physical Therapy, and doctor's visits since that is all covered by the VA BUT those people are so damn slow! I originally hurt my knee 8/12/12. I was first seen by the Physician's Assistant (because my doctor was on vacation) on 8/13/12. I had X-rays on 8/14/12. A week later I went back in, with my pain still as high as ever, and demanded an MRI because even though he (the PA) put in a referral for PT, I was not able to get scheduled until 10/15/12. Seriously! After several messages I obtained another number for the Radiology department at the VA Hospital in Seattle and got scheduled for Friday 8/31/12. After playing phone tag for over a week, I finally found out that the MRI came back normal...so I am in pain for no apparent reason but we are going to do PT for four to six weeks and when that does not work (which I highly doubt it will) then I get my MRI with contrast (which I should have fought for in the first place). We are looking at down time until December at the earliest!
I had actually intended on writing posts about my knee and the whole VA overpaid fiasco but have not gotten to it yet! However the VA thing is still unfolding so there is PLENTY of time! Now you see why I have a constant headache!
Then factor in a person. We have all met that one person right? The one where just the slightest glance makes your head hurt...yep. I have one of those people. Friday I had a headache from the moment I saw this person until the moment he left. Really...like as soon as he was gone, my headache faded away! I guess that will be one up side of only working two days this week.
I had a conversation with one of the company's customers today who owns his own plane. He offered to take me flying if I ever wanted to go and said that his plane has dual controls so if I wanted to, I could get some hands on time. I politely thanked him but told him that I prefer to just look out the window. I do not want the responsibility that comes with flying a plane.
I told this conversation to one of my co-workers and told her that being up in the air is really my happy place. From start up to shut down, my eyes are out the window. I love to watch the runway fade on take-off. I love to just look out the window at the cities below. I love to be above the clouds where the sun is shining and the sky is the bluest of blue. I love watching the runway get closer and closer until touch down. After describing that to her, all I have been thinking about is getting up in the air. I need to. It is just so peaceful. I hardly talk when I am in the air. I physically have to force myself to talk when someone is with me. Does not matter if it is in a little puddle jumper or a commercial flight. I just clear my head of any and all thoughts and worries.
Prepare yourself for what I am about to say...it will shock anyone who knows me...it works better than Zumba. There...I said it! Flying leaves me with the high even after the flight is over...it lasts for at least a couple of hours. Anyone remember my flight in the Super Caravan? Just talking about that flight relieves some stress temporarily!
Now that I have avoided all aspects of my class this week I should at least make an attempt at responding to a classmate or two. Until next time!
Showing posts with label Expectations or Lack Of. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Expectations or Lack Of. Show all posts
Sunday, September 16, 2012
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
Expectations Are Bad M'Kay!
Recently, while walking in a park along the river, I was asked to clarify a statement I had previously made. When I asked what I needed to clarify, I was asked to clarify what I meant by going into relationships without expectations and how that differs from hoping for things. My answer was very easy!
I said, simply, that I hope to spend time with you at least once a week. If it happens, it happens. If it does not, then it does not. No harm, no foul! It is not until you expect things to happen that you risk getting yourself and/or your feelings hurt. He asked for an example.
Example:
My boss said in the spring that he was going to hire someone to help out on the line for the summer. After talking to multiple people and being told that there is always three people working the line in the summer (long hours, split shifts, people do not get burnt out as quick), I felt confident in making plans. I signed myself up for an all day training to obtain a new Zumba license and I got excited to attend my family's annual camping trip/boat races. The day of my training was sneaking up on me and no one had been hired so I worked out a way to stay late the day before so that way I could attend my training the next day and go to work late. I was stressed and pretty confident that I had a lot of gray hairs sprout around that time! My family's camping trip was around the corner and I realized that no one was going to be hired and I was not going to be able to go camping and see my family. I was very disappointed. I was hurt. I was let down. It was something I was looking forward to doing and ended up not being able to go.
When you expect things, you get let down and hurt when they do not happen. That is why when it comes to relationships, be it business, friendly, or personal, I go in with next to no expectations. I learned real fast that even though I try to plan my lunch at work and I expect to take it around 1:30pm, I know that it is rare to actually get to take my lunch on time or when I want. The only time I expect something from a friend is when it has been agreed that something will happen or whatever and that they follow through and do not blow it/me off.
That kind of goes for personal relationships also. When a date was made to go to a local AA baseball game because there were fireworks after the game, I expected to stay the entire game. I got a little irritated when my date said we might have to leave early because it was getting late. Irritated is not the right word...I was a little hurt. I love fireworks and I have not been to a baseball game (major league or minor league) in over two years. I told him that he was more than welcome to stay but if he really felt that he had to leave, I would find a way home. I would call my mom and wake her up if I needed to but I was going to stay for the fireworks regardless of the fact if he stayed or left. He stayed.
With all that I have lived through and experienced, it may seem harsh that I do not expect anything from anyone because I truly do not trust that I will not be let down. I have put too much trust into people who have done nothing but let me down over the years and I am sick of it. Call it a wall that I have built but I just want to have fun and not expect anything less than.
Now that my pain killers have finally made me drowsy (four hours after being taken), I am going to crash since 6am is going to come way too soon!
Until next time!
I said, simply, that I hope to spend time with you at least once a week. If it happens, it happens. If it does not, then it does not. No harm, no foul! It is not until you expect things to happen that you risk getting yourself and/or your feelings hurt. He asked for an example.
Example:
My boss said in the spring that he was going to hire someone to help out on the line for the summer. After talking to multiple people and being told that there is always three people working the line in the summer (long hours, split shifts, people do not get burnt out as quick), I felt confident in making plans. I signed myself up for an all day training to obtain a new Zumba license and I got excited to attend my family's annual camping trip/boat races. The day of my training was sneaking up on me and no one had been hired so I worked out a way to stay late the day before so that way I could attend my training the next day and go to work late. I was stressed and pretty confident that I had a lot of gray hairs sprout around that time! My family's camping trip was around the corner and I realized that no one was going to be hired and I was not going to be able to go camping and see my family. I was very disappointed. I was hurt. I was let down. It was something I was looking forward to doing and ended up not being able to go.
When you expect things, you get let down and hurt when they do not happen. That is why when it comes to relationships, be it business, friendly, or personal, I go in with next to no expectations. I learned real fast that even though I try to plan my lunch at work and I expect to take it around 1:30pm, I know that it is rare to actually get to take my lunch on time or when I want. The only time I expect something from a friend is when it has been agreed that something will happen or whatever and that they follow through and do not blow it/me off.
That kind of goes for personal relationships also. When a date was made to go to a local AA baseball game because there were fireworks after the game, I expected to stay the entire game. I got a little irritated when my date said we might have to leave early because it was getting late. Irritated is not the right word...I was a little hurt. I love fireworks and I have not been to a baseball game (major league or minor league) in over two years. I told him that he was more than welcome to stay but if he really felt that he had to leave, I would find a way home. I would call my mom and wake her up if I needed to but I was going to stay for the fireworks regardless of the fact if he stayed or left. He stayed.
With all that I have lived through and experienced, it may seem harsh that I do not expect anything from anyone because I truly do not trust that I will not be let down. I have put too much trust into people who have done nothing but let me down over the years and I am sick of it. Call it a wall that I have built but I just want to have fun and not expect anything less than.
Now that my pain killers have finally made me drowsy (four hours after being taken), I am going to crash since 6am is going to come way too soon!
Until next time!
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