Getting married is SO easy! For a man, you simply said your I Do and sign your name to a marriage license. For a woman, you simply say your I Do, sign your name to a marriage license with your new last name, take the marriage license to the Department of Licensing and get your name changed on your drivers license, head to the Social Security Administration and wait in line to show them your marriage license and your new drivers license and change your name on your social security card and then you have to hit the bank to change your name where they only need your new drivers license.
When you get a divorce...it is just a pain in the ASS! You have like a million pages of paper work that you have to fill out and sign your name a dozen times and a few of them need notarized! As a man, your divorce is final and then you're done! As a woman, you have to go back and have a certified copy of your divorce papers or a divorce decree (and there is no difference and the idiot that tells you otherwise doesn't know their head from their own ass) and go through it ALL AGAIN!
My drivers license took less than 5 mintues to get! Granted I thought I was like 10 minutes late from them opening only to find myself there 20 minutes early...and let me tell you what...that is the way to do it! I was in, got my number, sat down for about 2 minutes and then was called up! He changed my name, I signed the card, he took my picture and I was out the door! I got to the Social Security office, got my number and sat down. The next person was called up and I thought Sweet...only eight people are ahead of me! Only to realize that out of the five or six windows that they had, two of them were open and there was a room full of people! Needless to say I decided that I did not have the patience for waiting and I left.
Today I went to another location in my second attempt to get my social security card. Armed with my certified copy of my divorce, my new drivers license and the knowledge that my mom was in and out of that same office in about 10 minutes, I took the elevator up to the 4th floor of this office building to find about 60 people sitting there and waiting. One thing I have to hand to the first office I was at had an option of the screen for name change, this second place did not. I just kind of picked the "Others" category and thought great...25 people in front of me...maybe this won't be so bad. They call out several "A" numbers (which is what I had) and then start throwing out other numbers that starts with like a "B" and a "Z"...I thought to myself well this is awesome...I now have no idea how many people are ahead of me! It was my luck that a lot of people decided to NOT wait. I'm not quite sure how long I was waiting but I managed to make it through!
Finally got it taken care of though! Just have to hit up the VA but will wait until I get my actual drivers license and SSC before I attempt to change my name with them. Until next time!
Showing posts with label divorce. Show all posts
Showing posts with label divorce. Show all posts
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Saturday, August 6, 2011
It Is Final!
I have been divorced for two and a half weeks...and just found out YESTERDAY!!! What the eff right?!? I got some papers in the mail last week but nowhere did it say anything like "You're divorce is final." I even recall asking the clerk if once the papers were signed did that mean that the divorce was final. I don't remember what she said...mainly because it was not a yes or no answer.
I decided to deposit some cash at the bank which is about 15 minutes south of the court house...and it take like an hour or so to get there (damn small towns). I stopped at the court house on the back into town and paid $7.50 to get a "certified" copy of my divorce. Ya know what it included? The exact same nine pages I filed a few weeks ago that I got a copy signed by the judge...but with a red stamp that says it is a certified copy...and that red stamp cost me $5!
I move next weekend and will be able to change my name back to my maiden name on my license and social security card and bank and holy crap...so much! I also got the last of my stuff out of the house last night. It was pretty difficult mainly because I did not go into the yard to see my dogs. I did get emotional when I was leaving. I told my ex that I had a pretty difficult weekend. As excited as I was about getting my Zumba Toning license, I had unknowingly checked into the same Motel 6 that we had stayed at. On Monday when we were driving up to have lunch with my mom, we stopped at Cabela's and the last time I had been there was with my ex last summer getting camping gear for our road trip this last fall.
I did not think it would be this difficult to find out that my divorce was final. It was definitely bitter sweet though.
I decided to deposit some cash at the bank which is about 15 minutes south of the court house...and it take like an hour or so to get there (damn small towns). I stopped at the court house on the back into town and paid $7.50 to get a "certified" copy of my divorce. Ya know what it included? The exact same nine pages I filed a few weeks ago that I got a copy signed by the judge...but with a red stamp that says it is a certified copy...and that red stamp cost me $5!
I move next weekend and will be able to change my name back to my maiden name on my license and social security card and bank and holy crap...so much! I also got the last of my stuff out of the house last night. It was pretty difficult mainly because I did not go into the yard to see my dogs. I did get emotional when I was leaving. I told my ex that I had a pretty difficult weekend. As excited as I was about getting my Zumba Toning license, I had unknowingly checked into the same Motel 6 that we had stayed at. On Monday when we were driving up to have lunch with my mom, we stopped at Cabela's and the last time I had been there was with my ex last summer getting camping gear for our road trip this last fall.
I did not think it would be this difficult to find out that my divorce was final. It was definitely bitter sweet though.
Saturday, July 16, 2011
How Do We Go On?
Before I really get into why I titled this specific blog "How Do We Go On?", I wanted to take a minute to say that I have finally had a chance to sit down and watch the show "Army Wives" (available on Netflix instant queue) and I must say that in all the movies and television shows I have seen, this one does a DAMN good job at really giving viewers an inside look into the lives of military spouses. While I was not an Army wife, I was a Coast Guard wife and to be honest a military spouse is a military spouse no matter the branch of service. Not only was I a Coastie wife, I had an upper hand to many of my fellow wives because I was also prior service. One of the greatest things about this show is that it shows the real struggles that military families deal with. Deployments, needing your spouse, having friends that have become family to lean on when times get hard.
That may not have been exactly what I wanted to say but I was intrigued to write after one of the episodes. One of the main characters seeks answers about what it would mean to get a divorce from her active duty husband. She finds out that if they divorce he will lose his government housing so both of them will have to move off the base, her children will have to change schools because they won't be able to attend school on the base, she finds out that while he remains active duty her children will still get to keep all of the medical and dental and vision benefits but she will not, she will have to surrender her ID, and she will be allowed a percentage of his housing allowance which by the look on her face was a very small percent and she had no idea how she would be able to afford rent or put food on the table for her and her children. She looked scared and confused out of her mind.
My ex and I do not have children so that is a plus, right? I had a lot of questions when I was trying to figure out if I was going to try and stick out my marriage or if leaving was the right decision. I knew that I would have to give up my ID and that I would lose my medical and dental coverage. I have never heard of a spouse getting a portion of the housing allowance, no matter how big or small the percentage. I remember laying on the couch in the living room wondering how I was going to support myself. The only job I managed to find was making minimum wage and even if I had stayed and not quit, there is no way that I would have been able to support myself. I have a job at a gym that pays me about $150 a month. How could I afford rent, utilities, car insurance, a cell phone payment, health and dental insurance, let alone have enough money for food and put gas in my car? If you have noticed, nowhere in there was I thinking about my ex. That is when I knew what I had to do.
It was one of the hardest decisions I have ever had to make. I still cared about him. I was with the guy for over five years. It is not like those feelings just go out the window. I talked to my friends about what I was thinking and feeling. By friends I mean my military spouse friends. They all listened to my comments and concerns and offered their shoulders for me to cry on when I needed them. What I was not expecting was to lose most of them with my divorce. While they made promises to be there for me, most of them have gone back on those promises. Before the decision was made for us to separate, I spent three weeks at my mom's house. In the time I was gone, rumors started flying with no backing to them but they were still said and believed. When I got back into town I did not know where I was going to go. I stopped by a friend's house and she informed me that all of our so-called friends were saying that I was leaving my ex because he could not give me children. Those words never left my mouth.
Anyway, how do we go on? How do we go on as former military spouses? Hell, how do we go on as prior service and former spouse? It is definitely not easy. When trying to find a job, I was actually told that I could not be a cashier (that is correct...not even a cashier) at Rite Aid. I was told that I lacked the experience because I did not have any customer service experience. I wanted to tell the guy that he was just the manager of a Rite Aid...a drug store...but instead I told him that in my last year in the Coast Guard I did a lot of ordering supplies and that I had to constantly field questions about why we were out of things like batteries and paper towels and how angry they would get and I had to remain calm. If that is not a form of customer service I do not know what is! He asked me how I resolved that problem and I informed him that we discovered someone had been stealing boxes of rags and came in one morning with not a single rag and we had to use government funds to go to Sam's Club and get a bunch of paper towels. Not the best solution but one all the same.
We can go on. It is never easy to essentially restart your life. It is hard. It is long. It tries our patience. It pushes us to our limits. We think that we cannot handle all of the stress. It feels like we are taking on the whole world by ourselves. The best way to start moving on is to know that we are not alone. We have family to lean on. We need to remember that family does not always mean blood relatives. Family constitutes those who love us and care about us. They are the ones that reach out to us when they know we are in pain. We have to pick ourselves up and face all of our challenges head on. No matter how we feel, the one thing we need to remember is that no one expects us to do this by ourselves and all we have to do is ask for help. It may feel like the world is crashing down around us and that we have to fix it but we have to ask for help. It is okay to let people in. That is how we go on.
I do not know if any of this really made sense. It almost feels like I just did a lot of rambling and never quite got to my point but I know that talking about my experiences to friends, family, or my blog has helped me just a little bit. For me it helps with my healing process and while I still feel really lost and do not know which end is up sometimes, I know that I am strong and that I can handle it.
Until next time...
That may not have been exactly what I wanted to say but I was intrigued to write after one of the episodes. One of the main characters seeks answers about what it would mean to get a divorce from her active duty husband. She finds out that if they divorce he will lose his government housing so both of them will have to move off the base, her children will have to change schools because they won't be able to attend school on the base, she finds out that while he remains active duty her children will still get to keep all of the medical and dental and vision benefits but she will not, she will have to surrender her ID, and she will be allowed a percentage of his housing allowance which by the look on her face was a very small percent and she had no idea how she would be able to afford rent or put food on the table for her and her children. She looked scared and confused out of her mind.
My ex and I do not have children so that is a plus, right? I had a lot of questions when I was trying to figure out if I was going to try and stick out my marriage or if leaving was the right decision. I knew that I would have to give up my ID and that I would lose my medical and dental coverage. I have never heard of a spouse getting a portion of the housing allowance, no matter how big or small the percentage. I remember laying on the couch in the living room wondering how I was going to support myself. The only job I managed to find was making minimum wage and even if I had stayed and not quit, there is no way that I would have been able to support myself. I have a job at a gym that pays me about $150 a month. How could I afford rent, utilities, car insurance, a cell phone payment, health and dental insurance, let alone have enough money for food and put gas in my car? If you have noticed, nowhere in there was I thinking about my ex. That is when I knew what I had to do.
It was one of the hardest decisions I have ever had to make. I still cared about him. I was with the guy for over five years. It is not like those feelings just go out the window. I talked to my friends about what I was thinking and feeling. By friends I mean my military spouse friends. They all listened to my comments and concerns and offered their shoulders for me to cry on when I needed them. What I was not expecting was to lose most of them with my divorce. While they made promises to be there for me, most of them have gone back on those promises. Before the decision was made for us to separate, I spent three weeks at my mom's house. In the time I was gone, rumors started flying with no backing to them but they were still said and believed. When I got back into town I did not know where I was going to go. I stopped by a friend's house and she informed me that all of our so-called friends were saying that I was leaving my ex because he could not give me children. Those words never left my mouth.
Anyway, how do we go on? How do we go on as former military spouses? Hell, how do we go on as prior service and former spouse? It is definitely not easy. When trying to find a job, I was actually told that I could not be a cashier (that is correct...not even a cashier) at Rite Aid. I was told that I lacked the experience because I did not have any customer service experience. I wanted to tell the guy that he was just the manager of a Rite Aid...a drug store...but instead I told him that in my last year in the Coast Guard I did a lot of ordering supplies and that I had to constantly field questions about why we were out of things like batteries and paper towels and how angry they would get and I had to remain calm. If that is not a form of customer service I do not know what is! He asked me how I resolved that problem and I informed him that we discovered someone had been stealing boxes of rags and came in one morning with not a single rag and we had to use government funds to go to Sam's Club and get a bunch of paper towels. Not the best solution but one all the same.
We can go on. It is never easy to essentially restart your life. It is hard. It is long. It tries our patience. It pushes us to our limits. We think that we cannot handle all of the stress. It feels like we are taking on the whole world by ourselves. The best way to start moving on is to know that we are not alone. We have family to lean on. We need to remember that family does not always mean blood relatives. Family constitutes those who love us and care about us. They are the ones that reach out to us when they know we are in pain. We have to pick ourselves up and face all of our challenges head on. No matter how we feel, the one thing we need to remember is that no one expects us to do this by ourselves and all we have to do is ask for help. It may feel like the world is crashing down around us and that we have to fix it but we have to ask for help. It is okay to let people in. That is how we go on.
I do not know if any of this really made sense. It almost feels like I just did a lot of rambling and never quite got to my point but I know that talking about my experiences to friends, family, or my blog has helped me just a little bit. For me it helps with my healing process and while I still feel really lost and do not know which end is up sometimes, I know that I am strong and that I can handle it.
Until next time...
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Still Waiting
I still have my shakes and feeling like I am going to vomit. After yesterday's post, you know why. I got my friend and fellow instructor to cover my class for me this morning with all intentions of getting up really early this morning and planting my butt at the court house until I had an answer. Unfortunately I turned my alarm off without knowing it and did not wake up until after 10am. I was so angry at myself for that! So I called them instead and as of about 45 minutes ago, they still did not have an answer.
Knowning that they are closed from noon to 1pm for lunch, I have decided to just wait until about 12:30pm to head out. I am going to stop and get gas, an energy drink and head out where I will then plant my butt in front of that little window and just wait until they have an answer for me. If they do not have one by 5pm when they close tonight then I will be back tomorrow morning for certain and will plant my butt there all day until they give me an answer.
What irritates me the most is that how can he (because I did find out that the judge is a he) set a hearing to take place and then not do it? I mean what if he would have required us to show up and then just never get to us? Not that it matters to me because I have a VERY flexible job at the gym but my ex is in the military...not that I really give two shits about him but the fact is that it is not right! If the court says you will have an answer after 3pm on this day and if not by closing then you will the following morning and you still DO NOT have an answer...GRRRRR!
So I am going to make sure that I have everything that I need and I am going to head out in a few minutes and will continue to keep my fingers crossed that my motion will be granted and I will be allowed to file my papers this afternoon. I have my certificate of mailling form thing all filled out with today's date and I am going to have his copies in an envelope (not sealed in case I do not get an answer today) and as soon as they hopefully tell me yes I can file I am going to do so and then ask if there is a post office in town that I can mail my ex his copies at! I want this done and over with soon because I am moving in a little over a month and I really want this finalized so I can get home and change my name back and, like I said yesterday, end this horrible chapter in my life and begin the next!
Until next time!
Knowning that they are closed from noon to 1pm for lunch, I have decided to just wait until about 12:30pm to head out. I am going to stop and get gas, an energy drink and head out where I will then plant my butt in front of that little window and just wait until they have an answer for me. If they do not have one by 5pm when they close tonight then I will be back tomorrow morning for certain and will plant my butt there all day until they give me an answer.
What irritates me the most is that how can he (because I did find out that the judge is a he) set a hearing to take place and then not do it? I mean what if he would have required us to show up and then just never get to us? Not that it matters to me because I have a VERY flexible job at the gym but my ex is in the military...not that I really give two shits about him but the fact is that it is not right! If the court says you will have an answer after 3pm on this day and if not by closing then you will the following morning and you still DO NOT have an answer...GRRRRR!
So I am going to make sure that I have everything that I need and I am going to head out in a few minutes and will continue to keep my fingers crossed that my motion will be granted and I will be allowed to file my papers this afternoon. I have my certificate of mailling form thing all filled out with today's date and I am going to have his copies in an envelope (not sealed in case I do not get an answer today) and as soon as they hopefully tell me yes I can file I am going to do so and then ask if there is a post office in town that I can mail my ex his copies at! I want this done and over with soon because I am moving in a little over a month and I really want this finalized so I can get home and change my name back and, like I said yesterday, end this horrible chapter in my life and begin the next!
Until next time!
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